Mourning Asok :(

Asok has been laid to rest! Alas!!!

Asok made his first appearance in March 1996 - seven years after Dilbert was launched, and even if Dilbert's creator Scott Adams has never ever mentioned his nationality, Asok's education at the Indian Institute of Technology and his love for Hindi songs make his origins self-evident.

Adams gave Asok extraordinary powers. He had an IQ of 240; he could reheat a cup of tea by holding it to his forehead while thinking of fire; and once, in 2005, he vapourised an obnoxious Texan (sometimes, if he is hungry during meetings, he also steals doughnuts using only his mind). He also had the ability to solve complex problems with a few keystrokes. And yes, he also slept only during national holidays.

On Friday, Dilbert's Pointy-Haired Boss made his most sombre announcement so far — Asok the Intern is dead. The IIT-educated supergeek with telekinetic powers, who charmed millions of readers across 2,000 newspapers in 65 countries for over 11 years with his innocence and geekiness, is no more.

"I am sad to report that Asok the Intern died during a test of our moon shuttle prototype," cartoon world's most evil boss announced on Friday. Even in his death, Asok did not ignore the cause of science — "Before he left, he put a sample of his DNA in a jar," the Pointy-Haired Boss said. "His plan is to reincarnate into his own clone." That may seem doubtful, though. Carol, the misanthropic secretary, now uses the jar as her second candy storage device.

Here are some of my favourite Asok moments in Dilbert:

"My relatives want me to have an arranged marriage."
"If they found someone who is totally hot and has low standards, ask if she has a sister."
"What about love?"
"How can you not love that?"
Asok and Wally

"I did a statistical analysis and found no correlation between my efforts and my rewards." Asok

"You're in H.R. now, it's ok to be evil."
Catbert educates Asok the Intern in the ways of Evil

"As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination." Dilbert advises Asok the Intern

"Most problems go away if you just wait long enough, Asok. It might look like I'm standing motionless but I'm actively waiting for our problems to go away. I dont know why this works but it does."
Bob the Dinosaur cum Cobol Programmer

"Winners don't return dishes to the cafeteria."
"Then how do the dishes get back?"
"You must use your power of low standards. Just place the dishes on the floor and wait for a loser with high standards."
Wally and Asok
"Gaaa! Dishes on the floor. Once again I have to clean up after slobs."
Alice, coming across Asok's dishes

"Asok, I need you to create a Powerpoint presentation that will save our department from being eliminated. You must quantify the unquantifiable and that can only done by a process that I call lying."
"Lying is a process?"
"It can be, if you use enough slides."
The Boss and Asok

"There will be no vacations until the project is finished."
"It feels as if I am being punished for your inability to to properly plan and staff."
The Pointy Haired Boss and Asok